Kill Odysseus
by Roxius
Summary: Li Xingke was willing to do anything to get Tianzi out of her marriage with Odysseus...even if that meant having to marry Odysseus himself! One-sided Odysseus X Li Xingke, but for humorous purposes. The title is a parody of 'Kill Bill'.


Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. Nor do I own 'Come Sail Away' by Styx. Also...South Park and Kill Bill references?

A/N: I just had to get this idea out...really, I just had to...probably the last crack fic...

More Odysseus X Li Xingke, only it's played for laughs this time.

* * *

Li Xingke couldn't stand having to see Tianzi be forced to marry that sleazeball Odysseus, so...he asked the Black Knights to aid him in rescuing her.

However...

...he had never expected the plan would result in HIM being forced to marry that sleazeball Odysseus instead! And he had to wear a wedding dress, for crying out loud!!

'Heeey...I look pretty good in this,' Li Xingke thought as he stared at himself in the mirror, doing a little twirl, but then he physically slapped himself across the face, 'NO!!! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY THIS!! I'M ABOUT TO BE MARRIED...TO ANOTHER MAN! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT!!'

Stepping into the room, Tianzi tried hard not to burst out laughing as she said, "T...T...Thank you so m-m-much for doing this f-for m-m-me, Li X-Xingke...I...I really...really...a-a-appreciate it..."

Li Xingke smiled warmly. "You're welcome, Tianzi-sama...I would do anything for you..."

"Y-Yes...I...I know...hee...hee hee...hee hee hee...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!" Unable to hold it in any longer, Tianzi fell to the floor and began cackling like a hyena, much to Li Xingke's distress.

'Goddammit...'

A moment later, Odysseus himself stormed into the room, gracefully took Li Xingke's hand into his own, and kissed it. Li Xingke tried to hold back the bile raising in his throat.

"I cannot wait for tonight, my dear bride...I'm very excited..." Odysseus remarked, smirking.

Li Xingke clenched his teeth, and snarled, "You should be excited...because that's when I'll cut your fuckin' BALLS off..."

"Hoh hoh...I'd like that..."

"...What?" Tianzi ceased her laughter, and sat up. "...Huh?"

"...Who know?"

"...Zuh?"

Suddenly, several ninjas wielding katana burst into the room, all of them aiming to take out the Empress. Odysseus shrieked and jumped back, while Tianzi quickly ran behind Li Xingke for protection. One of the ninjas smiled menacingly, and swung his sword in an erratic manner, in hopes of striking fear into his victims.

Li Xingke cursed under his breath. 'I knew this would happen!! Someone's always out to assassinate Tianzi-sama!!!'

Snatching up his sword, Li Zingke grabbed onto the hilt, and unsheathed his gleaming blade, which shone brightly in the artificial lighting.

--('Come Sail Away' by Styx begins to play in the background)--

"I WON'T LET YOU BASTARDS LAY A FINGER ON TIANZI-SAMA!!!" Li Xingke proclaimed, although it was hard to take him seriously when he was wearing a low-cut wedding dress that was noticeably tight around the waist.

"Good luck, Li Xingke!!" Tianzi cheered, now standing alongside a weeping Odysseus.

One of the ninjas charged towards him, but Li Xingke quickly side-stepped, and sliced the man in half without hesitation.

"I'M A KNIGHT, AND YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!!!" Li Xingke shouted as he took down yet another ninja with ease.

"You have no authoritah, Li Xingke!!" Tianzi pointed out.

"Yes...I know..."

The other two ninjas weren't ready to give up anytime soon, however. Li Xingke quickly blocked the swing brought down upon him, and countered by smashing his knee into the ninja's chest. Then, he did a 360-degree spin, slicing off the ninja's head in the process. Now, there was just one left.

Upon seeing Li Xingke in a blood-stained wedding dress and holding a sword, Odysseus found himself reminded of the movie '_Kill Bill_'.

"So...you're the only one now..." Li Xingke snarled, giving the final ninja a nasty glare.

With no other alternative, and because he was frightened out of his wits, the ninja committed seppaku, and he collapsed to the ground in a puddle of his own blood.

Li Xingke shrugged in response. "Well...that was easy..."

Running over to Li Xingke, Tianzi clapped her hands and exclaimed happily, "YAY!! YOU DID IT, LI XINGKE!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE IN A WEDDING DRESS, YOU STILL KICKED BUTT!!!"

"I did, didn't I?"

Despite his life having been saved, Odysseus still continued to sob. "Now...now the wedding dress is ruined!!!!" he cried into his hands.

"I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED TO YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!" Li Xingke snapped.


End file.
